Easy and effective relationship building in your newsletter.

Or ... how to build a relationship with your mailing list.

Building a relationship with a largely anonymous list of people who have randomly subscribed to your ezine or newsletter sounds like a hard challenge. In fact, it is much easier than you may think. Of course, you'll need to demonstrate a few character traits in the things you write. For example, you won't get far unless your honesty and ethics are unquestionable. Reliability and trust are the foundation of any good relationship and you'll need to build on them with charm and empathy for your reader's feelings. Add in a generous sprinkle of outspokenness and the ability to keep your writing newsworthy and current and you have a winning combination. Not all of these factors come naturally to everyone, but learning them is vital.

However, there are important factors that you can learn to put you ahead of the crowd as far as building great relationships with your readers is concerned. This is my own take on some of them that you can start doing right away.

The absolute number one secret - and if you stop reading this article before the end the vital information you must take a way with you - is that you can't build a relationship with a list. Relationships are for people. You and me.

Kickstart Today, the newsletter I've been writing for years, is read by thousands of subscribers, but every single paragraph is, in my mind at least, written to just one person. It may be a reader who asked a question. Sometimes it is a close friend who I imagine is sitting in front of me. Next issue it may even be you.

Right now, for example, I'm imagining that you have asked me a question about building relationships through your writing and I am simply answering you. As your relationship with your readers grows and they write to you with more comments and questions, your need to imagine reduces.

Then, the funny thing is that I get emails from all kinds of other people saying 'how did you know that that was *exactly* what I wanted to hear?' Like astrological star signs there are only so many problems to go round. Write about one and you'll resonate with hundreds of people.

The more you can make your writing appear to be one-to-one, the more of your readers will imagine themselves as the one you are talking to. It is like a whispered aside in a real conversation - it makes the listener feel special.

Well-meaning experts, who often pontificate about online writing techniques, love to trot out a couple of 'truths':

1. Eliminate the I's and Me's and maximize the 'you's'.

2. Train your list into a buying mood by selling them something every time you communicate with them.

Forget it! Neither will help you build relationships with your readers.

The information that you provide in your writing is only one reason that people read what you have to say. Newsletters that are totally focused on topic tend to be quite boring to read. There is no personality. You can't build a relationship if you write like a text book. It is vital - especially online - to inject yourself and your life into what you write.

In my opinion - and experience - you simply can't talk about yourself too much! Whenever I talk about my family and friends, the number of emails I get from subscribers eager to know more rockets! Of course, you can't run a newsletter that is entirely about you! That stuff should only be the icing on a rich, content-filled cake.

A good newsletter is like a soap opera - it draws the reader into the life of the writer and makes him or her eager to know more.

It is the personal information that is most effective for relationship building because the same things are happening in the lives of each one of your readers to a greater or lesser extent. By sharing your humanity you are putting yourself at the same level as the reader. Each time he or she say's 'yes, that's happened to me' or 'I thought that too' you have found a new best friend.

Then there is the vexed question of how often you should try to sell things to your readers. The nature of a newsletter lends itself to constantly bombarding your poor readers with offer after offer, but unless you have a great writing style and personality to match, it can be counterproductive.

I know of a few newsletters that manage it to perfection - and the readers hardly realize they've been sold to - but most just come across as pushy and spammy.

In my own newsletters, I've always stuck to the principle that I only recommend things I've used myself and can honestly say are worth the money. If that means I only recommend something every few weeks, so be it. At least my readers know that the recommendations, when they do come, are heartfelt. And I believe my response rates bear out my policy!

Frequency of publication is another factor to consider that can affect your relationship building with your readers.

It is hard to build a close relationship with your readers if you don't get to talk to them very often. It is tough to allow your readers to get to know you if you only 'speak' to them once a month, for example. As everything moves so fast online, even weekly publication can be too little unless you are a powerful writer.

As you develop as a writer you'll find it easier to write more often. You don't need to write huge newsletters every time - it is the frequency of contact that matters, not the length of your prose! So long as you are interesting and amusing you can publish every day if you like. Just don't become boring!

When your readers complain that they haven't received an issue, you know that you've made a connection.

Naturally, the strongest writing you can put in your newsletter is that which you've written yourself. Tempting as it is to use other people's articles, if you want to build a relationship with your readers, the majority of what they read from you should be by you.

On that subject, a lot of publishers still use guest articles. While that isn't necessarily a bad thing, the best writing by far that you can publish is your own. As you build your relationship with your readers they will want to hear about you, your life and what you think. If you are going to effectively give them that, you just have to get on and learn to write. Or more accurately, learn to communicate.

And when you do start learning to write, forget most of the rubbish that you learned in school or business. Write like you'd talk to a close friend, not to your teacher or business client.

The kind of writing that really builds relationships sounds natural when you read it out loud. Sentences start with and, words are contracted and the tone is informal.

Which brings us full circle. Write as you would talk to a close friend who is sitting in front of you. You don't hard sell your friends and you don't worry too much about perfect sentence construction. It is all about communicating a message - and my message to you is that relationship building is only effective when you do it one person at a time.

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