Getting Your Children to Tidy Their Rooms

Almost every parent comes up against this one - and for many it is a source of great aggravation, frustration, and countless fights and arguments. So how do you solve it? Here are some tips:

Typically, the child’s room is overflowing with things, and there is not enough space in the cupboards and drawers. So, the first thing to do is to provide more space for their stuff, which may appear useless to you but is very precious for them. You might have to invest in additional shelves, boxes under the bed, or chests of drawers.

It is best to have enough storage space so that there is still some room for more. It will help the child to find what he is looking for easily without scattering everything across the floor. Moreover, kid stuff goes on adding everyday. If there is enough space then the new things will also find a place rather than keep lying around.

Once you have solved the storage problem, it is time to establish a routine and appropriate expectations. Every child is different. Some, amazingly, seem to be born with the "tidy gene". Most are not. Also, their definition of tidiness may be very different from yours. Don't expect them to keep their room spotless every single minute of every day. Instead, try to establish, preferably by negotiation, what a reasonable standard of tidiness is, and how often that should be achieved.

Remember, your goal should be to teach your children how to responsibly look after their belongings. That their untidiness upsets you is your problem. You will have to allow them to fail at times and face the consequences of that. In other words, you may have to put up with their untidiness for a bit longer.

So, once you have established reasonably expectations - eg, that they put things away before bed, or once a week they do a big tidy-up, then it is time to draw up some kind of contract.

Once you and your child agree on the general framework of the contract, the next thing is what to do if they do, or don't, achieve that?

Again, it is better to focus on rewards such as privileges earned based on achieving the goal. This can be combined with a chart system connected to other chores.

In rare cases you can use some punishments for failure, but only as a last resort. And, the punishment should commensurate with the crime. You may want to try out the "black bag" technique, which is to put all scattered things in a big black bag which will be thrown into the attic, basement or garage for a week. If they tidy up the room by next Saturday, they can have it back. If not, then the next week's black bag collection is also thrown into the basement. This continues until they do some tidying up!

You can achieve tremendous success in teaching your child to tidy up his room only if you can keep a firm check on your emotions. Make sure you don’t shout and scream. As always, you can succeed by being calm but firm. Also, give full freedom to your children to do it their way. You must go up to the room at the appointed time to check.

You will need to do it only a couple of times because if you mean business, most children will hate the sight of the black bag and tidy up the room before they have to set eyes on it again.

There may be times when you want their room to be tidied because you are expecting guests. This is your need and you need to borrow your child's room for a night or two. So, don’t include this in the contract. For this, you must give extra incentives for tidying up the room.

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Dr. Noel Swanson runs a very interesting free newsletter on children's behavior, so if you could do with some tips for dealing with your children it might be worth a visit. Also visit here for more parenting articles.
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