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We can't get a good sleep until we are relaxed. A few things must happen before we get there. We need to feel secure and safe. Any kind of tension, such as abuse, parents arguing, financial problems, trouble with the neighbors, or problems with school or friends, will make it harder for any child to go to sleep. It's also important to feel secure and safe in our own beds. There are children with sensory integration problems. This might manifest as touch sensitivity, proprioception, which means body positions sense, or gravitational insecurity might make lying on a high bed frightening. Sometimes covering the child with heavy blankest helps them to feel grounded. To sleep, we then need to turn our minds off the business of the day, shut out the distractions of the environment and slow down our heart rate and metabolism. As we drift into sleep, not only does the body slow down, so too does the brain. Brain waves, which are often running along at 14 Hertz (cycles per second) or more during the day, will slow down first to an "alpha" rhythm (around 10 Hz) and then gradually right down to the deep sleep of a "delta" rhythm (4-7 Hz). Setting up the environment in the right way can go a long way toward helping us relax. So will keeping to a regular routine. The body gets used to it and knows when it's time to slow down and get ready to sleep. Here are a few ideas: A warm bath and hot milky drink. The warm bath relaxes the body, and allows the metabolism to slow down as it does not need to be so busy generating heat. Warmth also relaxes muscles. Warm milk contains an amino acid called Tryptophan which is a naturally occurring sedative. Obviously avoid drinks such as Coca Cola, tea or coffee, which all contain caffeine. Avoid also activities that are arousing or frustrating; just before bed is not the time for them to be getting upset about their homework or frustrated with their Gameboy. A bedtime story. This helps to push out the anxieties of the day, whilst also giving the child some special one-to-one attention. The child feels loved and valued, and therefore safe and secure. This can be followed by a recorded tape story, to which the child can listen with eyes closed and in a darkened room. But pick a story that is calming, not frightening! Soft, relaxing music is good. We can't close our ears against the noises from our environment. These can easily wake us up and heighten our stress. Especially disturbing are barking dogs, howling foxes or heavy lorries driving by. At least we can modify the sounds. Make the room as quiet as you can by using heavy curtains, double glazed windows, and close all the doors. Since we can't close our ears, relaxing music might help lessen the shock and disturbance of hearing sounds from our environment. Sudden noises and those not expected tend to wake us and cause stress. Some sounds we can't control are a barking dog at the neighbors, a fox or other creature howling, or even lorries passing the house. However, we can take some steps to modify our environment. Using heavy drapes or curtains, double glazed windows and closing doors can aid in keeping out some sounds. To create a sound environment that promotes sleep, we therefore need sounds that are low in pitch, and have a slow rhythm. A beat of 50 to 60 Hertz, the rate of our hearts when fully relaxed, would be ideal. Where do we find such sounds? Some classical music meets these requirements, so to do some nature sounds such as waves gently rolling onto the beach. My recommendation is to use some of the recordings that are deliberately created for relaxation. Amongst the best that I have come across are the those by Steven Halpern, and also the Sound Health Series CD's called (appropriately enough), "Relax" and "De-Stress". These should be played very quietly in the background, both to drown out the dogs, and to generate a peaceful sound environment in the bedroom. If your child has a tendency to wake easily and frequently in the night, it may be worth putting the CD on continuous play so that it carries on right through the night. Our bodies are also greatly affected by light and colour. Supermarkets and football teams are well aware of this. The stores use blue/green tinted bulbs in their produce sections to make the vegetables appear greener and fresher. They use red tinged lights at the meat counters. They use these techniques subtly but effectively. They also are particular when designing product packaging, so that you will be stimulated to buy. They keep the lights bright and the "muzak" playing. They do this so you will feel happy and right at home, causing you to stay longer and spend more. Think about this in relation to some of the dingier shops, and you will understand their strategy. Sometimes football clubs will paint the home team changing rooms in red, to spur the players to action; and the visiting team's room blue, which is calming. Blue is for serenity, green for harmony and peace, pink instills warmth and cosiness. All of these, especially if in muted tints, are ideal of bedrooms, although blue and green may produce too cold an atmosphere. On the other hand bright and vibrant colours such as yellows and reds will rev us up and keep us awake. The effects are subtle and certainly not conscious, but even so are very real. Lighting also makes a big difference. Obviously, bright lights wake us up, as do cold or bluish tinged lights, such as fluorescent. This mimics early morning sun. Twilight consists of warm reds and oranges. That means light from a dim bulb, candle, oil lamp, or fire, is more likely to help us sleep. If you include pink furnishings and slow, soft music and the sounds of waves lapping at the beach, you will have a winning combination. The other relaxing aspect of flames is that they flicker. Typically they flicker at 6-7 Hz. This produces the relaxed state of "theta wave" activity in the brain. How do we get around not putting a candle, oil light or open fire in a child's bedroom? One way is to use electric bulbs that flicker. There are also fiber optic lamps available that create a low level light, changing from one colour to another. The slow, gentle changes are relaxing, assuming that they aren't too bright. Some children like to sleep in a completely dark room. This is when the thick curtains will come in handy to screen out late night and early morning summer sun. Our most primitive sense is smell. Think of the times you've sniffed the briefest whiff of something that takes you right back to old memories and emotions. Since they affect our emotional state, some smells can help us sleep. The essential oils of mandarin, chamomile roman, lavender and palma rosa are recommended. If you have children older than five, use neroli, geranium and nutmeg in addition. A mixture of mandarin, chamomile and palma rosa or a mixture of chamomile, geranium and nutmeg are especially good. Put the oils in bath water, or rub it on skin with massage oil. You can even put it in the humidifier water. Remember to use moderately. Your goal is subtlety rather than an overpowering smell. We often close our windows in winter and leave the heat on. This cuts down on outside noises, but also keeps out fresh air. The heat dries out the air as well, in turn drying out our nasal passages. When we have stuffy noses and air, we will usually sleep poorly. Even opening the window a crack will help. The humidity can be improved in three ways. One is to simply turn the heating down, and compensate with more blankets ( which may help the child to "feel grounded"). The other is to add some moisture to the air. This can be down with a humidifier (which may also produce some background white noise), or simply by draping a wet flannel over the radiator. Put a couple of drops of essential oil in the water or on the flannel, and you will also provide a gentle aroma in the room. Waking during the night. It is normal to wake or almost wake several times during the night. The trick is to get back to sleep again. All of the above will increase the chances of this. Along with this it is important not to reinforce a behaviour pattern of waking up during the night by giving it a lot of attention. Infants and young children especially will often cry or make other noises when they wake. Do not immediately rush in to comfort them - this will only wake them up more, and reinforce the pattern of waking in the night. If you leave them alone, most will gradually settle and go back to sleep by themselves. Initially this may take some time, as they are used to getting your attention, but gradually, if you stay firm, this period of time will get shorter. Most of us wake up during the night at least once and more likely two or three times. Even when we are not fully awake, too often we are unable to fall back to sleep. Some of the things mentioned above will help in that department, but there are other things to consider. Don't give your child a lot of extra attention when she wakes up in the middle of the night. This will only reinforce the behaviour until it becomes a habit. The younger the child the more likely she is to cry or make some type of sound. Try to avoid running in to soothe her. For one thing it will cause her to come more fully awake and for another it will reinforce the waking pattern. Usually if you can just let children be, they will fall back to sleep. It probably won't happen right away because they will be waiting for you to come rushing in. If you can tough it out, they will start going back to sleep sooner. There are so many possibilities for helping children to sleep that you can probably come up with some other good ideas. I wish you peaceful nights and happy dreams.
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Do your kids play you up? Then you should really take a look at Dr. Noel Swanson's excellent website, www.good-child-guide.com/. He also has a free newsletter on children's behavior managementthat is packed with advice. This article is available as a unique content article with free reprint rights.
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