Quotes to Make You Laugh

Laughter is undoubtedly good for your health. Sometimes, however, it is hard to break a smile. Monday mornings at work come to mind. Well, here are some quotes that can tackle even the Monday morning blues.

1. Rodney Dangerfield - I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

2. Drew Carey - You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!

3. Steven Wright - Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

4. Jay Leno - Dick Cheney says he loves California - out here the rich and famous can shoot people and get away with it. Wait till these Enron guys find out that in prison, the term "Insider trading" has a whole new meaning.

5. Edward Abbey - A drink a day keeps the shrink away.

6. Steven Wright - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

7. Rodney Dangerfield - My wife was afraid of the dark...then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

8. George Bush - One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected.

9. Groucho Marx - She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

10. Steven Wright - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Jerry Seinfield - Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

12. Dave Attell - You ever get drunk and pass out... or as I call it 'time travel'?

13. Dave Attell - Man, you've gone from social drinker to alcoholic really quickly.

14. Rodney Dangerfield - I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

15. Bill Cosby - A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Life can be serious, but don’t put too much stock in the pressures of the moment. Tomorrow is a new day and somewhere, somehow, someone will say something hilarious.

Article Source: http://www.a1-articledirectory.com

Read short funny quotes at FunnyQuotesDaily.com. Updated each and every day!
Click here to get your own unique version of this article from the funny quotes Articles Submissions Service

Please Rate this Article

5 out of 54 out of 53 out of 52 out of 51 out of 5 

Not yet Rated