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Sibling Rivalry Looks Worse Than It Really Is

In most families sibling rivalry is common. Fighting and arguing with your brothers and sisters as you grow up together is natural and this should not cause alarm. Sibling rivalry does not happen in every family although happens in plenty families.

Your children have a good overall relationship with one another and seem to be happy otherwise, sibling rivalry is nothing to worry about. When things get out of hand and sibling rivalry causes unhappiness in a child parents should step in. Ignoring the situation does not make it go away and could cause difficulty with close relationships and other problems for your child in the long run.

Reasons for jealousy, sibling rivalry and provocation include:

Having a personality that is jealous or aggressive

Low self-esteem

Lack of social skills

People with low self-esteem are usually not happy with themselves and need others to give them validation, mostly from members of their own family. If your view is focused on the fact that you are unhappy with yourself then you might become envious and then think that people around them are better than them. If this person does not have good social skills they will get their frustrations out by "acting out and this will cause sibling rivalry.

How to Deal with Sibling Rivalry

When dealing with sibling rivalry that is unhealthy you should do it as indirectly as possible. If you deal with it directly you might make someone think you are taking sides and make the situation worse. The alienated child might feel victimized and then blame you for it and become aggressive.

Dealing with this problem? Here are some tips:

Give all of your kids love, attention, and support.

Spend a little more time with the child that is having the problem, this will give him more self-esteem.

Check the causes for the child's unhappiness.

Encourage your child to talk to you, but dont yell because this will have the opposite effect on the child.

When he has calmed down, ask him what he would advise a friend of his to do in a similar situation. He might come up with some original and helpful ideas.

Talk to his teacher at school. Ask for solutions or advice. Remember that teachers have plenty of experience when it comes to dealing with children. You can make a plan with the teacher of how to help the child.

Visit a child psychologist you realize that the situation is out of your scope of control.

At any age a child can start provocation and jealousy. This is usually started in childhood when the child is finding who he is. This might also start when the child hits puberty, adulthood, or adolescence; it just depends on where they live and what kind of life they live. It is easier to deal with if the child is younger because when they grow up and move out they arent going to want your advice.

Sibling Rivalries in adulthood

If your adult child is having trouble with a sibling and this is disrupting the family, intervention is recommended. Here are some possible interventions:

If there is a good relationship between you and your child try to discuss the problem with him. You should not be judging your child.

You might want to get a third party, perhaps a close friend or spouse, to talk to your child.

You should have a person talk to both of the siblings separately to help with the problem.

If the second sibling is more likely to accept advice, talk to him first. You will need a lot of tact and discretion.

Building self-esteem in your children is not always easy, especially after there have been issues with sibling rivalry. Never give up on getting a good relationship built between your children. Some of the closest siblings didnt start out that way; they had to work through their issues as well. In the end, if you make an honest effort to show your children how to get along and how to treat one another it will work out.