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Margaret Paul, Ph.D.'s Articles in Arts

  • Less Talk, More Action!
    It is time for less talk and more action - loving action.

    Loving actions are those actions that support our highest good and the highest good of others. Loving actions are those actions that are motivated by love rather than by fear.

    Many people who have been on a path of personal and spiritual growth have spent a lot of time talking. Talking with friends about what is wrong and what they want. Talking with therapists about their past and their beliefs. Talking with a m...
  • Relationships: Conflict Resolution Without Words
    In the last few decades, partners have spent countless hours trying to “work out problems.” Yet over and over again they often come up against a major roadblock: they just don’t see things the same way. No matter how long they talk and how hard they try, neither ends up feeling really heard and understood.

    While there are some couples that just naturally see things the same way, most people have a really hard time seeing things through the other person’s eyes. What often h...
  • What Creates Self-Esteem?
    We all want to feel good about ourselves but many of us go about this in the ways that will never create self-esteem.

    Do you believe that you will have high self-esteem when:

    • You make a lot of money?

    • You achieve a high position in your work?

    • You have an expensive car or an expensive home?

    • You are famous?

    • You find the right relationship?

    • You receive approval from the important people in your life?

    While all of these can result in momentary ...
  • Five Secrets To Weight Loss
    Weight loss – such a “big” topic! Every month another book is out by another expert on weight loss. Everyone wants to know the secret to losing weight.

    I certainly don’t have THE secret, but I do have some secrets, and I want to share them with you in the hope you find them helpful.

    Weight used to be a major issue for me. Losing weight was never out of my thoughts, and I can’t tell you how many different diets, pills and programs I tried until I discovered some “secret...
  • Fears Of A New Relationship
    Katie had not been in a relationship in ten years, and she was scared to death. In her last relationship, she had lost herself completely and then felt devastated when her boyfriend of three years left her for another woman.

    After working on herself emotionally and spiritually for a number of years, Katie, now 48, felt she was ready for a new relationship. So she joined an online dating service and promptly met Sean, who seemed too good to be true. Warm, compassionate, in...
  • Stress And Illness
    Jack, 60 years old, is a client of mine. Jack had been in a very difficult, codependent marriage with Stella - a marriage where Jack completely gave himself up in his attempts to avoid Stella’s anger, threats and blame. Jack sought my help regarding extricating himself from this very unhappy relationship and was finally able to end the marriage. Subsequently, Jack sent me the following email:

    “Hi Margaret, I hope all is going well with you. I thought you might be intereste...
  • Beyond Fear And Addiction: Six Steps To Healing
    There is a wonderful anachronism for FEAR:

    False
    Evidence
    Appearing
    Real

    Much of the fear in our lives is based on false evidence.

    Our bodies are designed to respond with the fight or flight mechanism to real and present danger - such as being physically attacked. In the face of real and present danger, the adrenaline flows and the blood drains out of our organs and brain and into our limbs to prepare us for fight or flight.

    Yet many people spend much of their...
  • Self Esteem: You Are Not Who You Think You Are
    David sat in front of me at one of my five-day intensive workshops. A successful businessman with a wife and two grown children, David believed that he was not good enough.

    “I’m insufficient,” he said. “I’m inadequate.”

    I looked at this kind man and felt deep sadness for him. He did not know who he was.

    “Why do you believe that?” I asked.

    “I didn’t do well in school, and I’ve made lots of mistakes in my life.”

    “So you are basing your worth on your performance,...
  • Fear Of Commitment
    In my counseling work, I often work with clients who have a deep fear of commitment. These individuals generally say that they want to be in a loving relationship, yet they keep picking “the wrong people.”

    Susan, 38, sought my help because she was in two relationships at the same time. This didn’t feel right to her, so she knew that she had to make a choice. Yet she could not seem to decide which relationship was right for her.

    Susan had been in a relationship with Sha...
  • Recovery From Addictions: Part 1
    (This is Part 1 of a 5-part series on addiction).

    Just about everyone in our society is addicted to something. Addictions can take many forms:

    SUBSTANCE ADDICTIONS: addiction to alcohol, recreational drugs, prescription meds, caffeine, nicotine, food, sugar, carbohydrates.

    PROCESS ADDICTIONS: addiction to love, connection, caretaking, anger, resistance, withdrawal, and to activities such as:

    • TV
    • Computer/internet
    • Busyness
    • Gossiping
    • Sports
    • Exercise
    ...
  • Recovery From Addictions, Part 2
    (This is Part 2 of a 5-part series on addiction).

    In Part 1 of this series of articles, I defined substance and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:

    1. I can’t handle my pain.
    2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
    3. Others are my source of love.
    4. I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.

    This article addresses the first of these beliefs, and goes into the process of learning to manage your ...
  • Recovery From Addictions, Part 5
    In Part 1 of this series of articles, I defined substance and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:

    1. I can’t handle my pain.
    2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
    3. Others are my source of love.
    4. I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.

    In Parts 2,3 and 4, I explored in depth each of these false beliefs and how they contribute to addictive behavior. In this final part of this series, I addre...
  • Happiness Takes Work: 5 Choices To Create Happiness
    All of us have met people who just seem to be happy most of the time. Perhaps you have assumed that these people are just naturally happy, or that they are the lucky people who have an easy life, or they had really loving parents. Most of the time, nothing could be farther from the truth.

    Happy people are making specific choices regarding their thinking and behavior. Happy people CONSCIOUSLY choose to think and behave in ways that result in happiness. Unhappy people are UN...

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